Sunday Contemplation

I spent yesterday with a best friend. We had a brilliant catch-up. She’s presently living in Amsterdam so I haven’t seen her in person since January 1st. I miss seeing her name in my diary for coffee dates.

And we got into the usual heavy thinking part of our “so… what’s going on then?” And I hedged because I didn’t want to voice out loud what was in my head. Now I’m not putting it here either. I will discuss it with both my best friends at some point.

But right now I’m not sure how to put it into words. If I even want to.

But after our conversation I had a startling revelation. I want my blog to be uplifting for me, and in turn for you. That’s not to say I won’t share the other stuff. But my thinking is, if I strive to stay light, not in my content, but in my demeanor I’m hoping it will have an external effect to how I see things and hopefully my actions will change also.

So to that end on certain days it is harder for me to blog (three days a week I go to bed early because I’m at work for 4am). I am determined to blog everyday until it’s a habit. So my plan is to have some inspirational quotes ready to post, posts about my favourite books. Music I’m loving at the moment. And I’m now carrying a notebook around with me to write the super duper cute things my little man says. By blogging every day, I don’t think about it. I just write. I’m hoping you want to read my ramblings and that I actually have something interesting to write.

Tomorrow I’m going to start by writing what my typical day looks like. You will be my accountability for being rubbish and procrastinating. Not giving my little man 100% of my attention. He starts school in September and I truly feel like I’ve wasted the last 4 years together. But no more. We’re having fun and dates.

Thanks for reading

Good night all

xxx

Talk Saturday

Here’s a fact about me that most people don’t know. I’m the 2nd born of 6 children. I love my big family and I love the energy when I’m in a friends house and they have older kids running around. I want that. I want more children.

But I’m not sure I’m willing to risk the upset of what another child would do.

Thanks for reading a highly edited post. Have a good Saturday night everyone

Xxx

Wednesdays Whammy

Sat in a cafe, laughing cackling with two girlfriends. Having coffee and a cheeky breakfast. We needed to meet this week because one friends baby is due on Saturday.

So picture the scene, tucking into my breakfast with gusto, enjoying the peace of freedom that comes with a child in Preschool. I feel something off….

Not quite right with the world. So I look up to see what is going to disturb my peace. I should have kept my head down and hope it goes away.

My father. A man I have had very little to do with since my parents split. 17 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I’d tried numerous times, just to end up feeling hurt and ridiculous.

So about 2 years ago when he decided to kick my brother out of his home I thought, NO that’s enough. You’re not being let near my life again. Why did he kick him out? My brother is hard to get along with. I couldn’t live with him. Not for 10 seconds. But just because his partner, the woman he left my mum for, realised that she can’t change my brother, read this as CONTROL HIM. She wanted him out and to be left with nothing. She did a sterling job. No home or job. They made it seem like such an amazing deal, come live here, get away from unsavory influences, get a job.

Two years later he’s back at mum’s. No job, barely a relationship with his daughter since he’d moved 45 minutes away with no transport and lousy working patterns. And up to his eyes in debt.

Geez thanks for the help dad.

I could blog for hours at the awful stuff this man has pulled in the last 17 years. Actually I can go back further, he was a rotten dad to my older sister.

To say that I was shocked to see him was an understatement. I’m just sat stressing “What problem is he here to cause this time”. The last time I know of any family contact was when Grandad passed away, and he made it all about him!

We were in close proximity for 40 minutes and we shared three words. That’s it!

Does he regret this? Does he regret his behaviour over the last 17 years. I ask this but I know I don’t actually care. Two reasons-

Too Little, Too Late

And he doesn’t have the back bone to stand up to his lady friend. I struggle to call her anything civilised. Lady Friend is as good as it gets!

So after Facebook chat with siblings it turns out he’s here to post a letter to my oldest brother. It’s not an important letter, he could have popped it in the post. Instead he drove 45 minutes to post a letter, and have a coffee and slice of toast. Then he drove 45 minutes home.

Bored or something else??

I only know what he had because my friend was instantly intrigued with the situation and was desperate to go ask him what he wanted lol She spent the next 40 minutes turning her head keeping a close eye on him. A spy she will never make 😀 

Thank you for reading my rambling and dropping by

See you soon

xx

Catch-up January

Its January 22nd, but it won’t be posted until tomorrow. I’m getting ahead because I feel the need to write.

January has been a month of goodbyes, trip to the hospital and a chance to start making the changes I want.

My best friend started a new job in Amsterdam. So I said goodbye to her on 1st January. So I’m learning how to Skype and WhatsApp.

Skype is going to take some getting used to. I don’t like mirrors, at all. So sitting looking at myself for 2 hours is off putting. Can anyone tell me how to turn it off. Do I really need to see myself?

I have a date planned with my very best friend on Friday. We are off to afternoon tea. I feel so blessed that the 2 days she has back here to see her husband, she’s spending half a day with me. Then I will be booking my flight and joining her for a girlie weekend in Amsterdam. See her new pad, hit the shops and of course out for food.

Update – Best Friend is feeling unwell so may not being meeting her tomorrow for afternoon tea 😦

I had a week of bad health and lots of pain. I hate to say it I took an awful lot of strong painkillers to get me through. I saw a consultant but basically told to suck it up, there is no action they can take. Just have to wait a little till me body handles it. It did eventually. I just about managed. If it wasn’t for the Big Man finally stepping up and helping, we wouldn’t have eaten that week.  I’m all fine now, just still trying to catch up on the laundry and the little mans bedroom toy explosion.

I was very ambitious about what I expected from myself this year. I’m making a good start. I could say something negative but I’m giving myself a break from being overly critical and praising myself for all the little things.  We all need to give ourselves a pat on the back and stop ragging on ourselves. It doesn’t help. There is enough in the world to make us feel bad about ourselves.

6 Weeks in 1 post

Hi everyone

Merry Christmas Happy New Year and Happy Birthday if you’ve had one since 14 November 2014. That was when I last posted!!!! So this means this is my 1st post of 2015.

So instead of writing loads I’m going to attempt to show you my life in the last 2 months in photos and pictures.

Selfie before we go out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary
Selfie before we go out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary

Relationship disaster a week before little mans 4th birthday.

He's 4 today :)
He’s 4 today 🙂
New balance bike
New balance bike
I need some practice with my icing!
I need some practice with my icing!

Then it was my mums birthday, she turned 53. And didn’t want a fuss. We got her vouchers so she could buy the furniture she wanted. She got a bargain and was over the moon.

We had a visitor for the run up to Christmas. Elf on the shelf. Little man called him Twinkle Twinkle
We had a visitor for the run up to Christmas. Elf on the shelf. Little man called him Twinkle Twinkle
He came through his own little door. Sooo cute
He came through his own little door. Sooo cute

I loved the idea of this and I did kinda have fun sorting it out. But I was having such a busy and stressful December it was adding unnecessary pressure. Next year it will be awesome!

Truffle making with the bestie :)
Truffle making with the bestie 🙂

Fun at the Panto!

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20141213_115638

He’s behind you!!

I had a birthday too. I turned 32 and to celebrate we had a family night out to Westonbirt Arboretum. A mile of woodland, all lit up by lights. It was awesome. A new family tradition. The hog roast rolls, alcoholic hot chocolate and mulled cider finished it off perfectly.

Westonbirt By Light
Westonbirt By Light
My nan, me and my mum
My nan, me and my mum
My birthday cake made by my very best friend.
My birthday cake made by my very best friend.

I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday cake. I was a child. This year I was spoilt and had 2.

The Innkeeper! The most important part of the Christmas Story.  Such a proud mummy.
The Innkeeper!
The most important part of the Christmas Story. Such a proud mummy.

We went to visit Santa. Little one loved it.

Christmas Day was lovely. We visited my mum and Big Mans Dad and my Nan. All my brothers and sisters were at my mums so it was fab. Then we went home to spend the day just the 3 of us. I had the flu so after all the prepping I couldn’t taste the dinner 😦

To finish Christmas off we had a whole family party/get together. Me and my two sisters spent all night dancing in the kitchen with our microspoons.

Introducing the Crazy Sisters
Introducing the Crazy Sisters

This takes us to 30th December. I spent a very quiet and reflective New Year just me, little man and Big Man.

A very long post, thanks for sticking with it.

Hope your new year has started peacefully and happily. If you have made new year resolutions, are you still with it, if not don’t worry. Tomorrow is another day.

Start again

xx

Full Friday

Here we go again. I wrote the entire post but got distracted by cooking dinner and big man coming home from work, that I accidentally deleted the entire thing.

Hello everyone

Definitely had a better day today than yesterday. Ankle is still a bit sore but manageable.

Today is Children in Need so little man went to preschool in his pj’s. They all looked adorable. I will say though that getting him ready this morning felt wrong. Changing him from pj’s into more pj’s. I had a set of normal clothes ready for him to change into when he’d finished because we were going straight out for lunch. Nan’s treat. It was a lovely few hours out. And I’m a bad granddaughter because it was the 1st time this week I’d managed to get round. Just so busy at the moment.

While little man was at preschool I nipped out and ran some errands. Fill up the car, parcel to the post office. It is an unanswerable question. But why does it always take so long in the queue at the post office? I also went to The Range. I love this shop. I spend a fortune on junk I never knew I never needed 😀

I was after nice paper and envelopes for the little mans birthday invitations. I’ve set the date for a week Monday, because I want it to be before his birthday and this is the only day I can do, and give the parents enough notice. I’m leaving it a little late. Very disorganised.

We’ve only invited 5 friends to his tea party. The house just isn’t big enough for any more. I’ll post more about his birthday plans closer to it. Can’t believe he will be 4!!!

So at the store I found the cutest Christmas sweetie jar. Yeah I said it Christmas. I love Christmas. Always have, always will. Couldn’t resist it. Will look great on the side in my kitchen 🙂

Anyway so I’m now sat with my feet up, resting my ankle ready for work tomorrow. The men are sat eating their dinner. I’m not eating, still full from lunch. I’ll have a snack later.

This post is shorter than version 1. But thats fine. I’ll leave it there so I can get back to the family. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to post tomorrow. We are child free! Spending some quality time with the big man. It’s our 10 year anniversary.

Have a good evening.

Thanks for dropping by

xx