Upcoming week

This week will be a hard slog. 3 days at work and summer camp, then off camping Wednesday evening. The trailer isn’t ready! The house is a bomb site after a week off making memories. This weekend was a bust after getting totally plastered with the school mums on Friday. Saturday spent hungover on the sofa and today my eibs feel like the are completly bruised and cracked! A humongous pile of laundry to get through. It is also my baby brothers 21st birthday tomorrow. Am I an awful human being for being thankful that he doesn’t want a family meal, we really don’t have the time. Then it is my brother-in-law’s birthday on Tuesday and parentals anniversary on Wednesday. Which is just adding to a long list of things to do. I am huge on family and it isn’t the obligation that it sounded like! I just wish I had more hours in the day to do what needs to be done and celebrate with the people who matter and still manage to get some proper sleep.
I can but dream and persevere

Xx

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Summer holiday guilt

I just need to send this out into nowhere. Hoping it will clear my heart and head; that I can then get over the guilt and move on.

 

I’m nearly at the end of a week off work for the summer holidays. Now the holidays are 6 weeks long so I feel kind of a failure. And to top it off, I failed at arranging a single play date for my 6 year old. I will admit I was starting to worry…. Is he not liked, do the other children just not want to play with him.

Now obviously I can’t just ask a parent out right, as no parent wants to tell another that their kid doesn’t want to play. I’ve found there are two reasons for this- 1 Kids are fickle. One day they act like they have never met each other and the next are best friends. 2 What if one day that is their child, or what if said child has a party, and then their kid isn’t invited. Believe me, after standing in a playground listening to conversations, some parents actually think like this. I will admit to then clocking which is their child and make a note to see if they are as calculating as the parent!

 

Should I be worried, I doubt it! I think it just self flagellation to the mummy guilt of crappy parenting. I left it kind of late to arrange, and once you ask one parent, you need to wait for a response before inviting another child. Which led to a reply on Wednesday for plans on Thursday & Friday. Turns out most of his school friends are on holiday or too short notice!

He was invited to 1 play date this week and turns out that she had problems with people responding, being busy and in one case, just forgetting. But this still didn’t ease my guilt, made worse by me sending him to the parentals for a night so we, i.e me hubby and friends can go bowling. I will point out that his Grampy is his hero and apart from daddy, is his favourite person. This still doesn’t assuage my mummy guilt

So I have done my best to keep him happy and entertained this week. But have I just made a rod for my own back. Now every school holiday he will expect 2 activities a day and constant entertaining!

So now I find myself planning ridiculous things in my head and thanks to Pinterest, for the next half term!

 

Will we ever learn and let kids just be bored?

 

x

Grrrr

Have you ever had that moment when you know the answer but just have no recall at all!!!!

Well I’m there. I found a blog a while ago as I was wasting time on the web. I had it bookmarked on my phone and never got round to saving it on here. Then I dropped my phone.  Smashed the screen to bits. So I sent it off to be fixed.

I was warned that it would be completely wiped. But I felt confident that I could remember the name. I’d been reading the blog for a couple of months. But I can’t. I’ve tried scouring the web to no avail.

If you recognise any of these clues or have a suggestion to how I can find it again.

ALL HELP WILL  BE GRATEFULLY RECEIVED

I think the blog has the word “Realistic” in it. (Helpful aren’t I)

The picture on the home screen is of a lady with dark hair. One side of her face is perfectly done and ready for the day. The other is what real life with kids can sometimes be like. Makeup smeared from the night before with hair sticking up all over the place.

The author is a teacher who has, if memory serves me, 3 children. They live in Australia. Recent posts include the story of her caesarean births, preparing children to be school ready and another I can remember is summer fun, her list of things to do and her one rule.

Its probably gone forever and I’m feeling sad and a little bit ridiculous because of it.

Thanks for reading guys

xxx

The picture

From housemate to reconnecting

My partner is more like my housemate. We share the same space, we talk only about our child, the programs we watch together and any upcoming plans we have. That is the usual sum total of our interactions.

But over the weekend something happened. We reconnected.

It was strange and it was amazing.

This is what happened:

Our little man wanted to play a game. It was houses/mummies and daddies. He became the dad and we (big man and I) became his children, Annabel and Isaac. It was a normal day. He woke us up, got us ready for school and then herded us into the car. I decided I was going to play up. Be impossible. Basically become my son! Awkward in the mornings just like he is ::I’m laughing as I write this because it was funny:: My little man was starting to get very frustrated with me and sulked off at this point because I wasn’t playing properly. Big man decided to play along as I was. We started to play fight and wind each other up. As siblings do.

Now our little man is livid with us and all we could do was roll around his bedroom laughing. I can not remember the last time we both laughed out loud together that wasn’t from watching the telly. And lets be honest we weren’t laughing together. We just happened to be sitting next to each other.

That was all it took! A truly shared experience, both being present in that moment.

We did eventually play how the little man wanted us to but it was enough for us connect.

For the rest of the weekend we laughed, touched and looked at each other. Enjoyed each others company.

I hope everyone had their own moment over the weekend. How ever it happened or with whoever, hold on to it for as long as you can.

These moments are fleeting. We need to work to keep it going.

Talk Saturday

Here’s a fact about me that most people don’t know. I’m the 2nd born of 6 children. I love my big family and I love the energy when I’m in a friends house and they have older kids running around. I want that. I want more children.

But I’m not sure I’m willing to risk the upset of what another child would do.

Thanks for reading a highly edited post. Have a good Saturday night everyone

Xxx

Wednesdays Whammy

Sat in a cafe, laughing cackling with two girlfriends. Having coffee and a cheeky breakfast. We needed to meet this week because one friends baby is due on Saturday.

So picture the scene, tucking into my breakfast with gusto, enjoying the peace of freedom that comes with a child in Preschool. I feel something off….

Not quite right with the world. So I look up to see what is going to disturb my peace. I should have kept my head down and hope it goes away.

My father. A man I have had very little to do with since my parents split. 17 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I’d tried numerous times, just to end up feeling hurt and ridiculous.

So about 2 years ago when he decided to kick my brother out of his home I thought, NO that’s enough. You’re not being let near my life again. Why did he kick him out? My brother is hard to get along with. I couldn’t live with him. Not for 10 seconds. But just because his partner, the woman he left my mum for, realised that she can’t change my brother, read this as CONTROL HIM. She wanted him out and to be left with nothing. She did a sterling job. No home or job. They made it seem like such an amazing deal, come live here, get away from unsavory influences, get a job.

Two years later he’s back at mum’s. No job, barely a relationship with his daughter since he’d moved 45 minutes away with no transport and lousy working patterns. And up to his eyes in debt.

Geez thanks for the help dad.

I could blog for hours at the awful stuff this man has pulled in the last 17 years. Actually I can go back further, he was a rotten dad to my older sister.

To say that I was shocked to see him was an understatement. I’m just sat stressing “What problem is he here to cause this time”. The last time I know of any family contact was when Grandad passed away, and he made it all about him!

We were in close proximity for 40 minutes and we shared three words. That’s it!

Does he regret this? Does he regret his behaviour over the last 17 years. I ask this but I know I don’t actually care. Two reasons-

Too Little, Too Late

And he doesn’t have the back bone to stand up to his lady friend. I struggle to call her anything civilised. Lady Friend is as good as it gets!

So after Facebook chat with siblings it turns out he’s here to post a letter to my oldest brother. It’s not an important letter, he could have popped it in the post. Instead he drove 45 minutes to post a letter, and have a coffee and slice of toast. Then he drove 45 minutes home.

Bored or something else??

I only know what he had because my friend was instantly intrigued with the situation and was desperate to go ask him what he wanted lol She spent the next 40 minutes turning her head keeping a close eye on him. A spy she will never make 😀 

Thank you for reading my rambling and dropping by

See you soon

xx

6 Weeks in 1 post

Hi everyone

Merry Christmas Happy New Year and Happy Birthday if you’ve had one since 14 November 2014. That was when I last posted!!!! So this means this is my 1st post of 2015.

So instead of writing loads I’m going to attempt to show you my life in the last 2 months in photos and pictures.

Selfie before we go out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary
Selfie before we go out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary

Relationship disaster a week before little mans 4th birthday.

He's 4 today :)
He’s 4 today 🙂
New balance bike
New balance bike
I need some practice with my icing!
I need some practice with my icing!

Then it was my mums birthday, she turned 53. And didn’t want a fuss. We got her vouchers so she could buy the furniture she wanted. She got a bargain and was over the moon.

We had a visitor for the run up to Christmas. Elf on the shelf. Little man called him Twinkle Twinkle
We had a visitor for the run up to Christmas. Elf on the shelf. Little man called him Twinkle Twinkle
He came through his own little door. Sooo cute
He came through his own little door. Sooo cute

I loved the idea of this and I did kinda have fun sorting it out. But I was having such a busy and stressful December it was adding unnecessary pressure. Next year it will be awesome!

Truffle making with the bestie :)
Truffle making with the bestie 🙂

Fun at the Panto!

20141213_115551 20141213_142011

20141213_115638

He’s behind you!!

I had a birthday too. I turned 32 and to celebrate we had a family night out to Westonbirt Arboretum. A mile of woodland, all lit up by lights. It was awesome. A new family tradition. The hog roast rolls, alcoholic hot chocolate and mulled cider finished it off perfectly.

Westonbirt By Light
Westonbirt By Light
My nan, me and my mum
My nan, me and my mum
My birthday cake made by my very best friend.
My birthday cake made by my very best friend.

I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday cake. I was a child. This year I was spoilt and had 2.

The Innkeeper! The most important part of the Christmas Story.  Such a proud mummy.
The Innkeeper!
The most important part of the Christmas Story. Such a proud mummy.

We went to visit Santa. Little one loved it.

Christmas Day was lovely. We visited my mum and Big Mans Dad and my Nan. All my brothers and sisters were at my mums so it was fab. Then we went home to spend the day just the 3 of us. I had the flu so after all the prepping I couldn’t taste the dinner 😦

To finish Christmas off we had a whole family party/get together. Me and my two sisters spent all night dancing in the kitchen with our microspoons.

Introducing the Crazy Sisters
Introducing the Crazy Sisters

This takes us to 30th December. I spent a very quiet and reflective New Year just me, little man and Big Man.

A very long post, thanks for sticking with it.

Hope your new year has started peacefully and happily. If you have made new year resolutions, are you still with it, if not don’t worry. Tomorrow is another day.

Start again

xx